Contrary to society’s bullshit model-thin standards, I yearn for a world where people of all sizes are celebrated for their bodies, sexuality, and pleasure. As a bigger bodied woman myself, I deserve pleasure. And if you’re a big, beautiful human, you do too.
Sure, it can be nerve-wracking for any body to get naked and sexual with a partner – and especially if size makes certain logistics tricky. Here’s the thing: Even if we’re soft, curvy, and our stomachs jiggle, our capacity for sexual desire and expression is valid. We don’t have to settle for mediocre sex; we may just need a bit more space and support to make adjustments.
“Research shows that relationships with deep emotional connection have the best sexual satisfaction,” says Dr. Brenda Wade.
“Variety is the spice of life, so be daring and explore new sex positions and new ways to connect, too.”
Remember, you’re a big, beautiful sexy human, and you deserve what you want, when you want it, and how you want it done. These sex positions may be loved by big beautiful bodies, but they’re by no means the only ones. Consider this a creative starting point for sexy time.
Experiment and try ALL THE THINGS. Sex is supposed to be fun and playful and worrying about how you look in a certain position will only distract you from sweet, sweet pleasure. Do what feels good, safe and accessible for you. Hopefully, this roundup of positions will help put you at ease and give you some fun new options to play with. Now, fellow BBBs, let’s get laid!
If the penetrating partner is the right height to enter the other partner while standing on the floor, the butterfly sex position can be an excellent position for bigger bodies. Angela Rosario, Sex Expert at TooTimid explains how it works: The receiving partner lies on their back on the bed, and the penetrating partner enters them while standing next to the bed. “This position provides good support for the receiving partner, especially, who can reduce pressure on their back and stomach by holding their legs straight,” she says.
This position may not be easily accessible to people with disabilities and/or who use mobility devices. If the penetrating partner has disabilities and uses a walker or a cane, this position could work for them. If the receiving partner has issues with chronic pain and positioning, this kinky position can be modified using pillows.
Some bigger folks think the missionary position, or strap-on/penis-haver-on-top position, is off the table because big bellies can get in the way. Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of Early to Bed says a well-placed pillow or sex position wedge can really help. “With your hips angled up, gravity pulls some of the stomach away, making penetration easier than without the pillow,” says Deysach.
“Pillows or wedges are also a great tool for allowing access for oral sex while on your back,” Deysach recommends the Liberator Jaz, similar to the Dame Pillo or Liberator Wedge. Additionally, pillows and wedges can also serve as an accessibility tool for bigger folks with disabilities, or if their partners have disabilities. They can relieve pressure and ensure a comfy climax.
"Pap Smear" Missionary
Alice Queen, founder of Vanilla is the New Kink, really likes what she calls the ‘pap smear’ missionary position, think Toad Position, with supported legs. The basic gist? The receiving partner lies on their back, with a wedge under their bottom to lift their pelvic area up. “Just like a pap-smear, you need support for your knees so that they are effortlessly up,” says Queen. “You can use pillows, folded blankets, cushions, etc.” Queen loves this position so much that she invested in a pair of small cube-shaped ottomans solely for the purpose.
This position may be difficult if the receiving partner has trouble opening their legs as a result of disabilities. It can be wonderful for both partners to explore massaging these areas beforehand to reduce spasticity.
Seated sex can be especially beneficial for big, beautiful receivers. In the perch position, Rosario explains, the penetrating partner sits in a chair (preferably on flooring that won’t slip). The receiving partner then straddles them, either facing toward them or away. “Facing away may be more comfortable for people with big bodies,” says Rosario. “Position the chair next to a surface that can be used to stabilize the receiving partner can be helpful for added support. This position is highly supported, which can be more comfortable for big, beautiful couples.”
Seated sex can also be extremely accessible if the penetrative partner is a wheelchair or mobility device user. Should they already use a wheelchair, this position can be achieved quite easily. If the receiving partner can walk, they can sit on the penetrative partner’s wheelchair or mobility device, and that way both partners can participate in sexy, seated fun.
Cowgirl (or Rider) Position
If you have a bigger body, getting on top of your lover can feel intimidating. The cowgirl position can be a great choice, given the right circumstances. “If you can kneel on top of your partner, you can control the depth and how much weight is on your lover,” says Deysach. It can also be a time to bring in a chair, as in the pitcher's mound position. “Have your lover sit and straddle them. You can use the back of the chair for a handle, and you can put most of your weight on the floor.” Deysach encourages bigger bodies not to worry about how much weight their partner can tolerate.
“Many of us bigger folk think that no one could possibly handle our weight, but in reality, your lover may be more comfortable with you being on top of them than you think.” To be sure, she says to check in with your partner before you decide for yourself that you are too big for some position.
In the reverse rider (or cowgirl) position, the receiving partner straddles and faces away from the penetrating partner. For bigger bodies, the plus side of this position is that the receiving partner can control the depth, pace, and angle of penetration, says Rosario.
They can also self-stimulate their clitoris for added pleasure. “This position is especially beneficial for big, beautiful women because it gives so much clitoral stimulation,” says Rosario.
The reverse cowgirl position may be difficult for partners with limited dexterity as a result of disability, and may have to be adapted using pillows or wedges. Discuss physical disability limitations with a partner prior to attempting this position.
Deysach says doggy style is an ideal accessible position for many folks with big bodies. “Big bellies won’t get in the way, and there are lots of ways that the one can support themselves – bending over the bedside with pillows piled under your chest, or on your hands and knees if that is comfortable,” says Deysach. Another benefit? “It can be easy to hold a vibe to your clitoris in this position (or prop one on a well-placed pillow).”
Doggy style is another position that disabled folks may need to talk through, as it can be difficult for folks with chronic pain conditions to stay on their knees in doggy style for a prolonged period of time.
This tweak of the standard doggy style position is elevated – literally – with the addition of a wedge to make it the aptly named little lift position. “You can be on your knees without needing to support your body,” says Kayla Lords, “Instead, you lie across the wedge, place your thighs against the back of the wedge, and let the furniture do the work while you’re penetrated or receive oral sex or do other kinky things.”
The Little Lift position may be more disability-friendly with the receiving partner using a wedge. It is important also to double-check with the penetrative partner as to their disability and access needs in that position, as issues with chronic pain are common for people with Ehler’s-Danlos Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, etc.
Spooning is a simple and intimate position. “Both couples lie down on their sides next to each other, and the penetrating partner enters from behind while the receiving partner has their back to them,” says Rosario. She says this position is beneficial because the penetrating partner can alternate angles and has easy access to touching the rest of the receiving partner’s body for added pleasure.
Spooning is also a very common and comfortable partner position for disabled folks, as it is low stress and easily achieved.
Curled Angel Position
Rosario recommends this gentle variation on spooning. She explains how the curled angel works: The receiving partner lies rounded into a ball on their side, using their arms however they want—pillowing their head, resting under their chest, or holding their legs for stability. As with spooning, the penetrating partner penetrates from behind.
“This position shares all the benefits of spooning, but it is even more, accommodating for people who find traditional spooning is still challenging,” Rosario notes. “It is very intimate and allows the penetrating partner to caress many areas of the receiving partner’s body, as well as to make it easy for the receiving partner to self-stimulate. The penetrating partner is also able to easily alternate angles.”
The Curled Angel may also be extremely accessible for folks with disabilities who experience muscle pain, contractures and spasticity. The caress of a partner in this position may help to alleviate disability-related pains.